Jesus will meet you there

The middle of a really tough week, one filled with stress and decisions, yet I know that Jesus will meet me wherever I am. This song really portrays what I need to hear right about now. A truly broken girl, one fraught with sins and problems, yet, wherever I am Jesus know exactly where I am will never leave me.

When you think you've hit the bottom

and the bottom gives way

and you fall into a darkness

no words can explain

and you don't know how you make it out alive

Jesus will meet you there.

When the doctor says, "I'm sorry,

we don't know what else to do."

and you're looking at your family

wondering how they'll make it through...

Whatever road this life takes you down,

Jesus will meet you there.

He knows the way to wherever you are

He knows the way to the depths of your heart

He knows the way cuz he's already been

where you're going

Jesus will meet you there.

I hope that you find encouragement in this, that you will remember to spend time with the one who is in control of all. Keep looking up, you will get through!

When the jury says, "Guilty,"

and the prison doors close

When the one you love says nothing,

just packs up and goes

When the sunlight comes and your world's still dark,

Jesus will meet you there.

When you've failed again and all your

second chances have been used

And the heavy weight of guilt and shame

is crushing down on you...

And all you have is one last cry for help

Jesus will meet you there.

He knows the way to wherever you are

He knows the way to the depths of your heart

He knows the way cuz he's already been

where you're going

When you realize the dreams you've had

for your child won't come true

when the phone rings in the middle

of the night with tragic news...

Whatever valley you must walk through,

Jesus will meet you there.

He will meet you there.

Jesus will meet you there...

Abba, these days life is so busy, so full of things that we just do to get through. Please don't let me get distracted from the things that really don't matter. And even keep me from being sidetracked to the things that will only slow me down. Do not let me ever forget how faithful, holy, and sufficient you are. I am here, waiting for your plan, doing my best to hold onto what I know you have sent. sustain me, keep me focused on your glorious plan for my life.

This is not how it should be
This is not how it could be
This is how it is
And our God is in control

This is not how it will be
When we finally will see
We'll see with our own eyes
He was always in control

And we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
And we will finally really understand what it means
So we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
While we're waiting for that day

This is not where we planned to be
When we started this journey
But this is where we are
And our God is in control

Though this first taste is bitter
There will be sweetness forever
When we finally taste and see
That our God is in control

And we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
And we will finally really understand what it means
So we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
While we're waiting for that day

We're waiting for that day
We'll keep on waiting for that day
And we will rise
Our God is in control

Steven Curtis Chapmen: Our God is in Control

Choral Beauty

oh my, it has been so long since I last posted. So sorry about that, its called homework and there is nothing that I can do about it.

So, tonight we had our first choir concert. yes, after only 3 weeks of class, we trucked out to Skokie and sang in the 30th Anniversary Korean-American Christian Choir Festival (Or something similar to the title). We (Moody's Womens Concert Choir) were one of 11 different choirs, 1 of 2 who were American. Each choir sang 2 or 3 songs, and there was question and answer in between the different performances with different people, who I have no idea who they were or what they were talking about because they were all speaking in Korean (go figure).

This was by far one of the greatest highlights of this year, while we may not have been able to understand what they were singing, it was quite clear who they were singing to. God was at the forefront of the evening, and it was such an honor to be apart of it.

The other American choir was a men's choir with over 140 members, they sang the song Grace (if you are a Moody student, you would know this song as one that our men's choir fondly sings often, and one that Women's choir actually has in our repertoire for this year I think), an arrangement of Amazing Grace that is just beautiful. Their other piece was a gospel piece and had the whole place clapping and swaying along. It was so wonderful, and it moved the whole audience, mainly because Korean churches, from what I can tell, don't usually sing gospel, and when exposed, it was a grand sight. We followed a few acts later with our 2 little pieces, a Latin/American piece, and an arrangement of How Deep the Father's Love for Us. Dr Hong had the first portion of How Deep translated into Korean, and we learned it to be able to sing it for our hosts. The reaction was so amazing. You hear stories about how hearing the gospel in one's own tongue, and the change that it can make in your faith. There were tears in the audience, the mixture of the Gospel story with the fact that this little college choir would put the effort to learn a paragraph of Korean ministered to the hearts of many.

So, my lesson? Don't be afraid to not know what is going on around you, especially if you know that God is being glorified through it.

Sing to the Lord, praise His Name, proclaim His Salvation day after day.

blast from the past

I was looking through my email program on my computer, and found an old note that I had written. It was dated August 15, 2008. Almost exactly 2 years ago. I thought it very interesting how much I have grown, since, but also how much I still have to learn.


It's funny how God reveals Himself, and your true self, to you.
In the past few days a gut wrenching realization has hit me. I look in every place and person I'm close to as my primary source for love, attention and affection.

Did you catch the problem with that?

My primary source.

I've ignored the reality that I am loved beyond measure, cherished and showered with affection beyond my deepest need. I've turned my back on the One who never hesitates to whisper I love you. I've stared love in the face and not seen it. I crave something I can only get from my Father, and have been clawing for it here, from others, namely male. Why? I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with my earthly father and our past. I'm not sure.

Whatever it may be, He's calling to me. He's patched me in and stopped my way so much it hurts, and I ache for love. He's left one way ... to Him. I've begun to resent the words "I love you," because they've yet to be said to me by someone here. I've turned to others, that I care about deeply, and sought something from them that was not my place to seek.

I even sought out advice on this very struggle from friends before God. Physical, verbal, emotional affirmation from people is not enough. If anything, it's a temporary fix for my ache. I'm learning, quickly, that this deep need cannot be filled anyplace but one. It hurts. I have confused myself and my feelings for others, twisted affection and namely, attention, into some sort of measurement of my self-worth.

I'm sorry. I'm hurting, but I'm growing. I've got an inkling feeling that this realization, this gradual change, is a huge step in my stroll alongside Jesus. I want to lay underneath the stars, and breathe deep and have a long, long talk. And be held in His arms that never fail, never leave, and are ever caring. Good thing that is exactly what He wants to do with me too.

This is all that I can say, right now.

Answered Prayer

No, not the answer to the prayer that I was talking about in my last post, but better!

May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

This is a verse I stumbled on in my devotions a few days ago. The strong mention of hope, joy, and peace caught my eye, my life has strangely been lacking in especially the joy area. So I automatically prayed this verse for myself. I held God to this promise. Then the next night, I reread this passage again, and realized that I had found this joy, because God reminded me of how great, and powerful He is.

Without fail, I can remember how before every significant event in my life I prayed that God would grow me and mold me to be the woman He wants me to be. I always pray that He would change me, no matter what that means in my life. God answers that prayer every day that I am alive. I can see with every hard thing that has happened to me, that it is an answer to my prayer that God would mold me and shape me.

This prayer is no different. I can see that the struggle I have been dealing with this summer, is not so much a struggle to get to the end of it, which I have been treating it as so, but it is a journey, where I learn so much in the process.

I cannot even begin to list the things that I have learned this summer as a result of this struggle. I have no idea even where to start! God has touched every aspect of my life through this one situation. And because of this, I am and evermore will be eternally grateful and overwhelmed with joy because of the life that God has supplied me with!

I am reading a book called Victorious Praying by Bill Thrasher (moody press), and last night I read the chapter about God's desire to bless us. Here is an excerpt:

If we insist on having our own way, God will give it to us. he encourages his redeemed people to open their mouths and let Him graciously fill them. If His people refuse to listen to Him, He will give them over "to the stubbornness of their heart" (psalm 81:12). [...] He still desires to bless his disobedient people and encourages their return to him! In prayer, we must humbly come to God and recognize that he is kind and good. We must view him not as one who desires to withhold from us what is truly best [like what we want] but as One who earnestly years to bless us beyond our highest imagination.

So, next time, instead of questioning weather God has your best interests in mind, look instead to see what the big picture might be. Perhaps you will find yourself in a situation similar to mine, where the result of the hard situation is no longer the issue, it is how much more am I going to grow in it before it is resolved?

Prayer.... again!!

you can never have too many posts about prayer!

Quite often, we think of prayer as a way of expressing oneself when we don't want to talk to people or can't talk to them. And also, to ask God for the things that we have no control over or what we think God probably wants to happen anyways.

This week, I have been thinking a lot about this concept of prayer, and I am coming to the conclusion that this is quite messed up. I will be the first to tell you that I don't know much about prayer. In my looking at what the Bible says, I have discovered so many things about prayer that I have yet to implement in my life.

There is something that has really been bothering me for the last 5 months or so, and I have held back from praying for what I want directly because I thought it too selfish a prayer. when I look at it from the eyes of my Bible, I realize that most of the personal prayers recorded are asking for personal matters that could be considered "selfish." The other reason I have refrained from praying about this is because I know that if God wants this situation resolved in the way I want it to be, He will. But then I think of Hannah in 1 Samuel, and how she wept like a crazy woman over her want for a son. Was it because of her prayer that God granted her request? or was it already in His plan for her life, and she only had to wait for it?

the question in my book really comes down to: Does it take more faith to not pray about something, trusting that God will supply our needs? or does it take more to pray for what you want, knowing God could say no? I decided that praying for the thing is what I should do. I trust God that whatever He has planned for my life will come to pass, but 5 months is a long time to pray against something and have it still be very prevalent in my thoughts. So, I'm switching it up. After all, Jesus prayed that God would pass the cup from his lips (Luke 22). I pray as He did, not my will O Lord, but yours be done.

Life Issues

Ever thought about how so many people have trust issues? I know that I am for sure one of those people. In the shower tonight, I was thinking about this, you see when you struggle with trusting people as I do, it is a common thought process. Anyways, as I was thinking about this, I realized something: It's not that we do or do not trust some people around us; when it comes down to it, we don't trust God. He promises us that He will take care of us, and if anything life brings to us is hard or painful God will be right there with us. He uses even the hard things to mold and shape us to be who He is calling us to be. Without the hardships of my life, I would not be anywhere near where I am today. Now I look at my heart, and every time I think about how I don't think I may ever be able to trust a guy as a wife should trust her husband, I am telling God right to his face that I don't trust Him to take care of me. So, if you are like me, and find it hard to trust people when you think I can't trust him/her think rather, are you trusting God? This gives me such hope, for I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is in control of all things, and that God will take care of me. I don't need to be afraid of all the pain that one person could inflict on me, I need to trust God.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:19-26