Thursday, March 25, 2010


So I was looking through my chapel journal, and I found this prayer that I wrote some time ago tucked in the cover. I don't remember when I wrote it, I think it was last semester. I realized that I should still be praying it. Even when the storms of life attack us- we argue with our step moms, break up with our boyfriends, discover someone close to us has died, struggle with midterms, get homesick, loose our job... the list goes on. Thankfully, my life is not as bad as all that, God is still in control. He knows exactly where we are and what we are struggling with. If we can keep our focus, and remember that we are not here to enjoy the pleasures of life, those are just perks of being children of God. We are here to glorify, and praise, and worship, and serve, the AMAZING God who created us in His image! So while it may be hard for us to see the joy in life sometimes, don't loose sight of the fact that life does not give us that joy we seek, we find it in God.

Dear Lord,
I pray that I will be able to serve with all that I have, and get nothing in return.
May I be stripped bare of everything I know so that I can focus more on you.
My Lord, let everything that is certain in my life be taken away, leaving nothing for me to rely on but You.
May I always be broken, yet ever provided for.
Teach me Lord to trust You alone, and to not need to know what tomorrow brings, as long as I know that you are here today.
Lord please keep me broken, having nowhere to turn but to You, my Rock and my Fortress.
May my heart never heal from the pain of seeing injustice.
I pray that you would break me enough to have to take help from others.
May I be humble enough to accept and admit that I have problems and need help.
Let me always be set apart for you, never fitting in with those around me.
Thank you Lord for the life you have given me, for the joy I have found in You.
Let me never forget where true joy comes from.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Choir Tour

So I am on tour with the Moody Women's Concert Choir, we are in the mid-atlantic states for a 2 week tour over spring break. God has been teaching me so much this last week! I can't believe how many lessons God has been teaching me. My brain is on overload not only from exhaustion after having at least one concert a day, but also from all the lessons that God keeps bringing to my attention. Because I don't have much time to really process here, I am just going to put some quotes from different things that I have come across. First, I bring before you you guessed it! Much-Afraid:

"Shepherd," she shrieked, "Shepherd! Shepherd! Help me! Where are you? Do not leave me!" Next instant she was clinging to him trembling from head to foot, sobbing over and over again, "You may do anything, Shepherd. You may ask anything- only don't let me turn back. O my Lord, don't let me leave you. Entreat me not to leave thee nor turn from following after thee." Then as she continued to cling to him she sobbed out, "If you can deceive me, my Lord, about the promise and the hind's feet and the new name or anything else, you may, indeed you may; only don't let me leave you. Don't let anything turn me back. This path looked so wrong, I could hardly believe it was the right one," and she sobbed bitterly.
He lifted her up, supported her by his arm, and with his own hand wiped the tears from her cheeks, then said in his strong cheery voice, "there is no question of your turning back Much-Afraid. No one, not even your own shrinking heart can pluck you out of my hand. Don't you remember what I told you before? 'this delay is not unto death, but for the glory of God.' You haven't forgotten already the lesson you had been learning have you?
"It is no less true now that 'what I do thou knowest not how, but thou shalt know here after.' My sheep hear my voice, and they follow me. It is perfectly safe for you to go on this way even though it looks wrong, and I now give you another promise: Thine ears shall hear a word behind thee saying,'this is the way, walk ye in it,' when ye turn to the right hand of the left."

The powerful words and promises of our dear savior. While al of life crumbles around us and we don't know where to turn because all paths look as though they lead to death, we know to stop and listen to the still small voice, that promises to never let us out of his hand. As one of the songs of our concert says: "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me."

The next thing that I want to share with you here, is a little of the story of our contact person from our last church, Ruth Moran. She shared her testimony today during the sunday school hour between services. Ruth has cancer, and a lot of it. since 1998, she has been fighting this fight, and it has left her physically disfigured in face, and unable to eat anything but a liquid diet through a feeding tube to her stomach. Yet through all this Ruth and her family are able to praise God through it all. She had her son assisting her with her slideshow during the testimony and near the end, she was talking about how they as a family deal with the pain and hurt that they face every day. too this she replied that they go back and forth with a question: what is the worst thing that can happen? starting small, they answer: she could be disfigured (that happened), she could die on the table (thankfully not), again: "what is the worst that could happen?" her son responded with confidence: "nothing." "what happens if I die?" "you go to heaven" "what happens to you if I go to heaven?" "Nothing, I'll go to heaven." The proclamation of that 14 year-old boy moved I believe the entire choir, or those who were not already, to tears.

here are a few quotes from her testimony that was printed in her pamphlet:

I honestly say that I would not take back my former life:when i find my delight in him, He literally gives me the desires of my heart, just as Psalm 37:4 promises.

I am convinced that not only does God send everything we need, but we need everything God sends.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings of the jumbled thoughts in my head. God will continue to teach and lead me, and I pray that I will one day understand, even partially, the many things that God shows me. to God be the Glory for all that He has done and will do through us, His servants.

Monday, March 1, 2010

so today I am sitting here at my desk thinking of all the things that I have to do in the next week. and as I listen to my iPod playing in the background, the song Let it Go by Tenth Avenue North came on. this song is such a great example of what our attitude towards life should be. The last few days have been a little hard to swallow, God is making sure that I am ready to follow Him no matter what happens. He wants to know if I can have the same joy in doing what He wants when it is not really what I want to happen. While it is hard, I am realizing that I can have that same joy, because I know that my Heavenly Father has only my best interests in mind, and that what He has in mind is so far above and beyond anything that I could imagine. here are some of the words from this song:

I've been holding on so tight
Look at these knuckles
They've gone white
I'm fighting for who I wanna be
I'm just trying to find security

Well it's hard enough to hear
Harder still, to move beyond this fear
We know there's nothing I can bring,
So tell me what do you want from me?

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one's who lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go

What do I love?
What do I hate?
What will I lose?
What will I gain?
How do I save my soul?
What if I bend?
What if I break?
What will it cost?
What will it take?
For you to save my soul.

They talk about how we are just trying to find security and and fighting for who we want to be. But in the end, God says to us, LET IT GO! Life is waiting for us to lose control, and when we finally loose ourselves then we find our soul. In the end, what do we love? is it God? what do we hate? really what is the loss, will we loose what we think may be the best summer, or do we let God make it better than we can imagine? Does it really matter what it will cost us? I think that because God has everything in His hands, and because He loves us more than we will ever be able to love Him in return, that we will be taken care of. It may cost us now, but in the end, it will be so worth it. we serve the Creator of the universe.... need I say more?