released

Oh my, it has been so very long since I have been able to write on here. I don't know if anyone reads this blog, but even so, it is good for me to be able to go back and read up on how I have been growing and changing.

walls. Walls are a wonderful thing: they keep the cold out on a winter night, keep the cool in on a hot summer's day, they block out (most) unwanted noise as well as keeping your darkest secrets confined. But there is something else about walls. When you are under siege, the walls are both good and bad, in Lord of the Rings, the walls kept the bad guys out, as well as protected the good guys. In Joshua, they were disintegrated, providing no means of protection. On Masada, the walls are what kept the people inside the city, making it impossible to get out without being seen.

What does it mean to build walls around your heart? How is it that we can see the walls and think that it is a good idea to close everyone we love outside in order to protect our cities? Obviously, for Joshua, the walls had to come down. For Masada, their fortified city fell, as did the fortress in the rock for LOTR.

I have come to a realization over the last few months, that I have built my entire life up on all of the walls that I have. I have so many thick walls that I don't know what to do with, and now that I can see them and want to get rid of them to some extent, it makes me sick to think about breaking down my wall to the siege that God is holding against my heart.

Thankfully, God is persistant, and I just pray that I won't have the same result as Masada...

The big blessing is though, that God will never give up on us. He cares deeply and wants to have complete access to that part of us that we are trying so very hard to hide. Think about that for a second, we are trying to hid our deepest parts from God. Okay, do you know who God is? (Truth be told, we don't have the capacity to know God, his infiniteness cannot be explained by our finiteness. And thats a good thing if you ask me.