a new perspective

Have you ever had that feeling of something in your own life that you are dealing with that will not go away? it keeps nagging at you and you don't know what to do with it!

I have this feeling a lot. And the sad thing is that most of the time the only thing that I can do is pray about it. Often times though, this just keeps me focused more on myself and my problems instead of on the Lord and what He is trying to teach me. I think that what I am trying to say is that it really matters how you pray about different things. If you are really concerned for a friend and think of them often, then pray for them often!! but if you find yourself thinking on something in your life that you cannot change and that you really need to be move on from -- a family situation perhaps? or a friendship that did not work out? or even being away from friends for a long period of time? While sometimes it is very good to pray about these specific situations, sometimes you need to move on from and stop dwelling on them too. There is something that I have been trying to move on from bothering me for quite some time, and after praying about it for a long time, I realized that every time I prayed to move on, it would bring it up fresh in my mind again. So a while ago, whenever I would think about this thing that will not go away, I would instead focus on God's sovereignty, His control over my life. This helps a lot when you don't understand something. Instead of sitting around trying to figure it out, just focus on what God has figured out for you.

I was really having a hard time with this last night, so instead of watching a movie or something to take my mind of it, I opened up my Bible. I am using my read through the Bible in a year for my devotional book (not that really keep to the plan... lol), and when I got to the Psalm portion I read this:

Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees;

then I will keep them to the end.

Give me understanding, and I will keep your law

and obey it with all my heart.

Direct me in the path of your commands,

for there I find delight.

Turn my heart toward your statutes

and not toward selfish gain.

Turn my eyes away from worthless things;

preserve my life according to your word.

Fulfill your promise to your servant,

so that you may be feared.

Take away the disgrace I dread,

for your laws are good.

How I long for your precepts!

Preserve my life in your righteousness.

Psalm 119 33-40

This was exactly what I was/am praying. To follow God in all that He has planned for me, but at the same time, it is very hard to do this because I don't know exactly what He is looking for. God is in control, and this I am sure of. He will reveal to us in His time what we need to do. So while we may be stuck on one thing for months at a time, there is a purpose and He will lead us to the answer in His time. If we pray this, if we mean this, then how can we stray from God's leading for our lives? He will guide us in His paths and we must trust Him, striving to allow Him to use us in His way, not in ours.

Above All Else

here I sit, in my little apartment with my lovely roommates waiting to leave for work, my mind is so full of things that i don't know what I am supposed to do with them! I believe that the most prevalent thing I am mulling over in my mind is how necessary it is to give God glory and praise all the time.

In my devotions, I am reading about David's captivity/hiding from Saul, while at the same time, reading through some of David's most praise filled Psalms. For example, Psalm 113:

Praise the LORD.
Praise, O servants of the LORD,
praise the name of the LORD.

Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.

The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
his glory above the heavens.

Who is like the LORD our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,

who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?

He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;

he seats them with princes,
with the princes of their people.

He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.

David here knows that there is more to life than struggling through things that seem too hard to do. God gives us the strength that we need to cary on. Next time you find yourself dwelling on something that you know is beyond your control and is really just dragging you down, just remember that God is in control, and praise Him for his great faithfulness and sovereignty before all else. Instant pick-me-up if you ask me :)

post finals nonsense

hmm a new post. I don't know what exactly to write, I don't have any deep theological or encouraging things to say -- not at the end of finals week that is!

I am sitting in my dark, half empty room, fighting the humidity, while wishing I could be sleeping. but alas, I tried that, and my body says no.

Have you ever had the feeling that life makes more sense when you are alone than when you actually live it out? I have that feeling a lot. It makes sense in my head, but outside it does not. one of my greatest struggles is wanting everyone to like me. I don't do well with people not liking me, because I want to make everyone happy, and if people don't like me, I must make them not happy, and if they are not happy, then I am not happy.

*interjection: the girls next door just had an encounter with a cockroach and are screaming in the hall* just in case you were wondering :P

anyways: I have a friend here, and we sorta had a falling out. It is really sad when things don't work out in general, and on top of things not working out, you have to live with the consequences that result from the friendship before. We are still "friends" but not near what we once were. This makes me very sad because this was a friendship that I really valued, and now, while our falling out has been resolved, it is still really difficult to know to what level our friendship can reach again. All I know is that I really miss that friendship, and my friend being so distant makes me feel like he doesn't like me, or like to be around me (which I doubt is true, it is just very hard to not read the actions, and to read the person I know he is).

This situation is really strange, because I know that I should not feel rejected, I don't! but if not rejected, then what am I supposed to feel? I just miss the friendship, and I sorta have a feeling that he does too. why are our lives so much more complicated when you try and share even a simple friendship with someone? it all usually (-not at the moment because it is thursday of finals week) makes so much more sense in my head.

The other thing that is really hard to deal with these days is balancing trusting God with being responsible. the problem with not having a place to stay this weekend/summer makes life quite hard, but when do I need to stop waiting for paperwork and start looking for somewhere else to stay? oh the questions and concerns that never cease to bog me down with worries... cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.

I close out with my rendition of Krista's verse from choir this year (my rendition because I am too lazy to look it up even tho there is a bible right in front of me... so you get my memorized, erred version :P):

For this is what the High and Holy one says -- he who lives forever, who's name is Holy:

I live in a high and lofty place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly of spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. I will not accuse forever, nor will I always be angry, for then the spirit of man would grow faint before me, the breath of man whom I have created.

I was enraged by his sinful greed, I turned from him and hid my face from him in anger. yet he kept on in his willful ways. I have seen his ways, but I will heal him. I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners of Israel: Peace, peace to those far and near says the Lord your God, and I will heal him. Isaiah 57

Here Master

well, it has been a little while since I made a post... or maybe that is just what I feel like and in all actuality it has only been a few days.... :P

So, I want to share with you a song; funny story is that this song is super popular here on campus, but not anywhere else! I can't even find the music to it anywhere else! It is written from the words that are in the hymnal, its like one of those liturgical pieces that has no music with it-- leave it to a Moody to write music to it!

The song is called Here Master In This Quiet Place:

Here, Master, in this quiet place, where anyone may kneel,

I also come to ask for grace believing you can heal.

If pain of body, stress of mind destroys my inward peace

In prayer for others may I find the secret of release.

If self upon its sickness feeds and turns my life to gall,

Let me not brood upon my needs but simply tell you all.

You never said “You ask too much” to any troubled soul.

I long to feel your healing touch. Will you not make me whole?

But if the thing I most desire is not your way for me,

May faith, when tested in the fire prove its integrity.

Of all my prayers let this be chief: Till faith is fully grown

Lord, disbelieve my unbelief and claim me as your own.

This song has been special to me all year, but this week in particular. In Thursday Night Praise, we sang it, but the guy who was leading introduced it in such a wonderful way. We need to take care to not let our sinful minds get caught up on what we think we need. God gives us everything for a reason, and He works in all situations, the good and the bad.

I have been dealing with lots of stuff lately, and I really have just been viewing them as burdens that I have to deal with or bear, which is true. But I have been missing the point of these things being given to me as lessons that I should be taking to heart, allowing them to shape me into the woman God wants me to be. God is growing my faith in spite of my wanting what I think the happy life would be. God does give us the desires of our hearts, but only if we are seeking His will for us.

The RA of my brother floor told us this week in our worship night, that someone told him that if we know we are surrendered to God's will for our lives and that we are willing to do anything for Him, how can we miss His path for our lives? If the desire of our hearts is to do God's will, and to seek Him out in the way that we live our lives, there is nothing that can come between us and Him. Not troubles or hardship or persecution or nakedness or danger or sword. God is Conquerer in all things, and only wants the absolute best for us.

I leave you with this, think it over and really ponder what it means in your life: God is the only constant in our lives, all else will change or fade or let us down, but He never will. Amen and Praise the Lord!!!!!!

Beauty Will Rise

So, I know that I just did a song, but Grace lent me this CD last night, and I have fallen in love with it. The CD is Beauty Will Rise, the artist is Steven Curtis Chapman. This is the album that he wrote after his daughter was tragically killed in a car accident. The song I want to share is Beauty Will Rise.

I cannot imagine being in his place, loosing his daughter like he did. But I do understand his pain. The hopelessness that sticks no matter how much truth you put before yourself. It reminds me of David, in the Psalms he laments before God and cries out to Him, pleading with Him. David tells himself how God is in control and that He is all that he needs to survive. Yet, we still have that voice in our heads yelling at us, telling us it is not okay. Our minds and our hearts are at odds with each other. our hearts know the truth, that God is sovereign and in control of all things of life, but our heads cannot grasp the concept. so we tell ourselves over and over again that there is so much more to life; more to life than an earthly whole family; more than the burdens our friends lay on us, or the burden our heart feels for them; more than the loss of a friendship or of a boyfriend/girlfriend. Eventually, if we tell ourselves this enough we will believe it... right? that is what David thought at least. Check out psalm 40 or psalm 73 to see what I mean.

back to the song... here are the lyrics, and a link to listen to it:

It was the day the world went wrong/ I screamed til my voice was gone

And watched through the tears as everything/ came crashing down

Slowly panic turns to pain

As we awake to what remains/ and sift through the ashes that are left behind

But buried deep beneath/ All our broken dreams
we have this hope:

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning, beauty will rise

So take another breath for now/ and let the tears come washing down,
and if you can't believe I will believe/ for you.

Cuz I have seen/ the signs of spring!
Just watch and see:

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning...

I can hear it in the distance/ and it's not too far away.
It's the music and the laughter/ of a wedding and a feast.
I can almost feel the hand of God/ reaching for my face
to wipe the tears away, and say/ "It's time to make everything new."

"Make it all new"

This is our hope.
This is the promise.
This is our hope.
This is the promise.
That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that's been made

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of this darkness... new life will shine
and we'll know the joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning...beauty will rise!

Oh, Beauty will rise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6sGtkhpqeA

Revelation 21:3-7

3… I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

5He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

6He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. 7He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.

Hold On

Why hello there friends! It has been quite a while since I last wrote here. While talking to my good friend Karyssa this week, she sent me this song and I fell in love with it.

This song really brings me back to what is important in this life. While life may bring us to a place where we have to struggle to find the same joy in life that we have been living on for so long, we need to remember what the purpose of our life is. We were designed to praise God in all that we are, in the joy and sadness, the frustrations and grief. Each day is a new one, and we need to hold on to God, there is nothing that can stop God's love from coming through! We need to be thankful in every moment for the wonderful blessings that God has given us.

It also helps that this is a song that makes you want to dance :)

Hold On by TobyMac

Wake up to the morning light
wipe away the lonely nights
let a brand new day wash over you,
Wanna see you smile again
show some love to your crazy friends
wipe your tears away
those days are through

If you move just a little bit closer you can put your head on my shoulder
Yeah, yeah

[Chorus:]
So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you can hold on, to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can
stop this crazy love
from breaking through

We're breaking through
We're breaking through

Wake up to the morning sun
thank the Lord for the
things He's done
lift your eyes up to the
hope that's ever true
Wanna see you smiling girl
you're a light in this jaded world
wipe away those tears
this one's for you

Come on, move a little bit closer, you can put your head on my shoulder
Yeah, yeah

[Chorus]

And the stars are up there
shining for you
oh, the Father does adore you
His love will never change
And you and I
we were born to follow
the hope that will lead us to tomorrow
and no one can take it away

So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you could hold on
to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can stop this crazy, crazy love from breaking [x2]

You see the clouds are
moving faster now
the clouds are moving faster

You see the clouds are
moving faster now
And the sun is breaking through

We're breaking through

ps If you think about it pray for my friend Jillian.

TTFN

Prayer

So I was looking through my chapel journal, and I found this prayer that I wrote some time ago tucked in the cover. I don't remember when I wrote it, I think it was last semester. I realized that I should still be praying it. Even when the storms of life attack us- we argue with our step moms, break up with our boyfriends, discover someone close to us has died, struggle with midterms, get homesick, loose our job... the list goes on. Thankfully, my life is not as bad as all that, God is still in control. He knows exactly where we are and what we are struggling with. If we can keep our focus, and remember that we are not here to enjoy the pleasures of life, those are just perks of being children of God. We are here to glorify, and praise, and worship, and serve, the AMAZING God who created us in His image! So while it may be hard for us to see the joy in life sometimes, don't loose sight of the fact that life does not give us that joy we seek, we find it in God.

Dear Lord,

I pray that I will be able to serve with all that I have, and get nothing in return.

May I be stripped bare of everything I know so that I can focus more on you.

My Lord, let everything that is certain in my life be taken away, leaving nothing for me to rely on but You.

May I always be broken, yet ever provided for.

Teach me Lord to trust You alone, and to not need to know what tomorrow brings, as long as I know that you are here today.

Lord please keep me broken, having nowhere to turn but to You, my Rock and my Fortress.

May my heart never heal from the pain of seeing injustice.

I pray that you would break me enough to have to take help from others.

May I be humble enough to accept and admit that I have problems and need help.

Let me always be set apart for you, never fitting in with those around me.

Thank you Lord for the life you have given me, for the joy I have found in You.

Let me never forget where true joy comes from.

Amen