unaltered response

Christmas this year was thankfully the best one in several years. There were no fights with the siblings about how we don't want to go to one or another Christmas. There was no evident hard feelings for going to one of those "other Christmases."

What a way to end the Christmas week. Granted, we have one more tomorrow, but I think we will be able to handle it.

This post is not about my hard past holidays, it is about the glory of rebirth. I laughed when I got a text today that said Happy Incarnation Day, but that is the real meaning of today, and we forget about it so much! My devotions over this break have been ones that have reassured and reminded me of WHO Christ is, and WHAT He came to do.

God sent His son, we all know that, but what we don't think of is how technical that really gets. How does the balance between divine and human work; what kind of God is Christ? I think that the thing that I personally forget the most about Christ is that He is STILL fully divine and fully human. He is in the reincarnated form, but Christ did not come to earth to be a man, so that He could save us then go back to glory, back to His fully divine nature that He had before the Incarnation. He gave it all up forever.

The other thing that we don't think of is how amazing God has to be to plan all this out, and fulfill all prophesies and rules that He has laid out.

If you are looking for something to read in your devotions, check out the beginning of Romans. Read how Paul understands the Incarnation, and allow God to speak to you of the intricateness of the Incarnation, and marvel as I am at not only how amazing Christ is for becoming flesh, but also at how God designed it all, making it so that we could come to know Christ, and eventually spend eternity with Him.

Systematic Theology

I was walking home from Target last night with my friend Kendra and we were talking about life in general, how she want's to be a missionary to Hawaii, and I want to be one in the Middle East somewhere. In general, we were talking about how amazing God is, how he cultivates in us this passion for something without having ever done something (She has actually been to Hawaii, but not on a missions trip). God is so incredible and big that He plans these things out, that He gives us passions and gifts that can be used too further His Kingdom. This is not only an exciting thought but a terrifying one too! We get so caught up in life, in classes, in paperwork, in work, that the big picture slips our minds. We don't remember the reason that we are here!

In Systematic Theology this year, we studied the attributes and nature of God. We spent weeks looking at who God is, and what He does. It was the most incredible class. We have this knowledge of who we know God to be, but we don't really apply that to anything else, its just our lives. To study God and who He is, what He does, and what He is capable of doing, there is nothing greater! The extent of which God is so amazingly consistent with Himself is so mind blowing!

Thinking of this makes me realize how little I really have to worry about, I am only a mere college student who is busy in the terms of the world, but the thing that makes all this ok is that God has the very minute details of my life planned out for me! I don't have to worry about what is going because God is in control.

May our prayers be that God would always bring us to the place that we will be closest to Him, no matter what that implies.

Beauty From Pain

It's now the end of the semester, and things are going crazy. finals, papers, exams, presentations, chapel, work, internship prep, candlelight carols.... the list goes on and on. And all in the next 2 weeks. Sadly, while all this craziness goes on, there is no break from life whizzing on around. The only thing that I keep telling myself is that there is purpose, and that God has each person in the exact place they are supposed to be at this very moment. A few really hard things have been happening (well, more like old wounds being broken open) lately, mainly because I am so caught up in things of life that don't matter as much instead of being focused on what really does matter. Even through this pain that is going on, I know that there are innumerable things that God is teaching me through them, and that there will be relief eventually. This song is an all time favorite of mine, and just thinking about it makes me feel so much better.

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know i'm alive but i feel like i've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder
I feel like i'm slipping away

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best i can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though i can't understand why this happened
I know that i will when i look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here i am, at the end of me
Tryin to hold to what i can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Superchick, Beauty from Pain

Does it make the tears go away? No. Does it make the hurt easier? No. Does it bring hope and a little peace to a shattered heart that keeps being dropped? YES. God has the greatest plan for our lives, and there is nothing that we could do to make it any better than the best that he has planned for us. There is purpose to this madness, and there will be joy again.

Jesus will meet you there

The middle of a really tough week, one filled with stress and decisions, yet I know that Jesus will meet me wherever I am. This song really portrays what I need to hear right about now. A truly broken girl, one fraught with sins and problems, yet, wherever I am Jesus know exactly where I am will never leave me.

When you think you've hit the bottom

and the bottom gives way

and you fall into a darkness

no words can explain

and you don't know how you make it out alive

Jesus will meet you there.

When the doctor says, "I'm sorry,

we don't know what else to do."

and you're looking at your family

wondering how they'll make it through...

Whatever road this life takes you down,

Jesus will meet you there.

He knows the way to wherever you are

He knows the way to the depths of your heart

He knows the way cuz he's already been

where you're going

Jesus will meet you there.

I hope that you find encouragement in this, that you will remember to spend time with the one who is in control of all. Keep looking up, you will get through!

When the jury says, "Guilty,"

and the prison doors close

When the one you love says nothing,

just packs up and goes

When the sunlight comes and your world's still dark,

Jesus will meet you there.

When you've failed again and all your

second chances have been used

And the heavy weight of guilt and shame

is crushing down on you...

And all you have is one last cry for help

Jesus will meet you there.

He knows the way to wherever you are

He knows the way to the depths of your heart

He knows the way cuz he's already been

where you're going

When you realize the dreams you've had

for your child won't come true

when the phone rings in the middle

of the night with tragic news...

Whatever valley you must walk through,

Jesus will meet you there.

He will meet you there.

Jesus will meet you there...

Abba, these days life is so busy, so full of things that we just do to get through. Please don't let me get distracted from the things that really don't matter. And even keep me from being sidetracked to the things that will only slow me down. Do not let me ever forget how faithful, holy, and sufficient you are. I am here, waiting for your plan, doing my best to hold onto what I know you have sent. sustain me, keep me focused on your glorious plan for my life.

This is not how it should be
This is not how it could be
This is how it is
And our God is in control

This is not how it will be
When we finally will see
We'll see with our own eyes
He was always in control

And we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
And we will finally really understand what it means
So we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
While we're waiting for that day

This is not where we planned to be
When we started this journey
But this is where we are
And our God is in control

Though this first taste is bitter
There will be sweetness forever
When we finally taste and see
That our God is in control

And we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
And we will finally really understand what it means
So we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
While we're waiting for that day

We're waiting for that day
We'll keep on waiting for that day
And we will rise
Our God is in control

Steven Curtis Chapmen: Our God is in Control

Choral Beauty

oh my, it has been so long since I last posted. So sorry about that, its called homework and there is nothing that I can do about it.

So, tonight we had our first choir concert. yes, after only 3 weeks of class, we trucked out to Skokie and sang in the 30th Anniversary Korean-American Christian Choir Festival (Or something similar to the title). We (Moody's Womens Concert Choir) were one of 11 different choirs, 1 of 2 who were American. Each choir sang 2 or 3 songs, and there was question and answer in between the different performances with different people, who I have no idea who they were or what they were talking about because they were all speaking in Korean (go figure).

This was by far one of the greatest highlights of this year, while we may not have been able to understand what they were singing, it was quite clear who they were singing to. God was at the forefront of the evening, and it was such an honor to be apart of it.

The other American choir was a men's choir with over 140 members, they sang the song Grace (if you are a Moody student, you would know this song as one that our men's choir fondly sings often, and one that Women's choir actually has in our repertoire for this year I think), an arrangement of Amazing Grace that is just beautiful. Their other piece was a gospel piece and had the whole place clapping and swaying along. It was so wonderful, and it moved the whole audience, mainly because Korean churches, from what I can tell, don't usually sing gospel, and when exposed, it was a grand sight. We followed a few acts later with our 2 little pieces, a Latin/American piece, and an arrangement of How Deep the Father's Love for Us. Dr Hong had the first portion of How Deep translated into Korean, and we learned it to be able to sing it for our hosts. The reaction was so amazing. You hear stories about how hearing the gospel in one's own tongue, and the change that it can make in your faith. There were tears in the audience, the mixture of the Gospel story with the fact that this little college choir would put the effort to learn a paragraph of Korean ministered to the hearts of many.

So, my lesson? Don't be afraid to not know what is going on around you, especially if you know that God is being glorified through it.

Sing to the Lord, praise His Name, proclaim His Salvation day after day.

blast from the past

I was looking through my email program on my computer, and found an old note that I had written. It was dated August 15, 2008. Almost exactly 2 years ago. I thought it very interesting how much I have grown, since, but also how much I still have to learn.


It's funny how God reveals Himself, and your true self, to you.
In the past few days a gut wrenching realization has hit me. I look in every place and person I'm close to as my primary source for love, attention and affection.

Did you catch the problem with that?

My primary source.

I've ignored the reality that I am loved beyond measure, cherished and showered with affection beyond my deepest need. I've turned my back on the One who never hesitates to whisper I love you. I've stared love in the face and not seen it. I crave something I can only get from my Father, and have been clawing for it here, from others, namely male. Why? I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with my earthly father and our past. I'm not sure.

Whatever it may be, He's calling to me. He's patched me in and stopped my way so much it hurts, and I ache for love. He's left one way ... to Him. I've begun to resent the words "I love you," because they've yet to be said to me by someone here. I've turned to others, that I care about deeply, and sought something from them that was not my place to seek.

I even sought out advice on this very struggle from friends before God. Physical, verbal, emotional affirmation from people is not enough. If anything, it's a temporary fix for my ache. I'm learning, quickly, that this deep need cannot be filled anyplace but one. It hurts. I have confused myself and my feelings for others, twisted affection and namely, attention, into some sort of measurement of my self-worth.

I'm sorry. I'm hurting, but I'm growing. I've got an inkling feeling that this realization, this gradual change, is a huge step in my stroll alongside Jesus. I want to lay underneath the stars, and breathe deep and have a long, long talk. And be held in His arms that never fail, never leave, and are ever caring. Good thing that is exactly what He wants to do with me too.

This is all that I can say, right now.

Answered Prayer

No, not the answer to the prayer that I was talking about in my last post, but better!

May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

This is a verse I stumbled on in my devotions a few days ago. The strong mention of hope, joy, and peace caught my eye, my life has strangely been lacking in especially the joy area. So I automatically prayed this verse for myself. I held God to this promise. Then the next night, I reread this passage again, and realized that I had found this joy, because God reminded me of how great, and powerful He is.

Without fail, I can remember how before every significant event in my life I prayed that God would grow me and mold me to be the woman He wants me to be. I always pray that He would change me, no matter what that means in my life. God answers that prayer every day that I am alive. I can see with every hard thing that has happened to me, that it is an answer to my prayer that God would mold me and shape me.

This prayer is no different. I can see that the struggle I have been dealing with this summer, is not so much a struggle to get to the end of it, which I have been treating it as so, but it is a journey, where I learn so much in the process.

I cannot even begin to list the things that I have learned this summer as a result of this struggle. I have no idea even where to start! God has touched every aspect of my life through this one situation. And because of this, I am and evermore will be eternally grateful and overwhelmed with joy because of the life that God has supplied me with!

I am reading a book called Victorious Praying by Bill Thrasher (moody press), and last night I read the chapter about God's desire to bless us. Here is an excerpt:

If we insist on having our own way, God will give it to us. he encourages his redeemed people to open their mouths and let Him graciously fill them. If His people refuse to listen to Him, He will give them over "to the stubbornness of their heart" (psalm 81:12). [...] He still desires to bless his disobedient people and encourages their return to him! In prayer, we must humbly come to God and recognize that he is kind and good. We must view him not as one who desires to withhold from us what is truly best [like what we want] but as One who earnestly years to bless us beyond our highest imagination.

So, next time, instead of questioning weather God has your best interests in mind, look instead to see what the big picture might be. Perhaps you will find yourself in a situation similar to mine, where the result of the hard situation is no longer the issue, it is how much more am I going to grow in it before it is resolved?

Prayer.... again!!

you can never have too many posts about prayer!

Quite often, we think of prayer as a way of expressing oneself when we don't want to talk to people or can't talk to them. And also, to ask God for the things that we have no control over or what we think God probably wants to happen anyways.

This week, I have been thinking a lot about this concept of prayer, and I am coming to the conclusion that this is quite messed up. I will be the first to tell you that I don't know much about prayer. In my looking at what the Bible says, I have discovered so many things about prayer that I have yet to implement in my life.

There is something that has really been bothering me for the last 5 months or so, and I have held back from praying for what I want directly because I thought it too selfish a prayer. when I look at it from the eyes of my Bible, I realize that most of the personal prayers recorded are asking for personal matters that could be considered "selfish." The other reason I have refrained from praying about this is because I know that if God wants this situation resolved in the way I want it to be, He will. But then I think of Hannah in 1 Samuel, and how she wept like a crazy woman over her want for a son. Was it because of her prayer that God granted her request? or was it already in His plan for her life, and she only had to wait for it?

the question in my book really comes down to: Does it take more faith to not pray about something, trusting that God will supply our needs? or does it take more to pray for what you want, knowing God could say no? I decided that praying for the thing is what I should do. I trust God that whatever He has planned for my life will come to pass, but 5 months is a long time to pray against something and have it still be very prevalent in my thoughts. So, I'm switching it up. After all, Jesus prayed that God would pass the cup from his lips (Luke 22). I pray as He did, not my will O Lord, but yours be done.

Life Issues

Ever thought about how so many people have trust issues? I know that I am for sure one of those people. In the shower tonight, I was thinking about this, you see when you struggle with trusting people as I do, it is a common thought process. Anyways, as I was thinking about this, I realized something: It's not that we do or do not trust some people around us; when it comes down to it, we don't trust God. He promises us that He will take care of us, and if anything life brings to us is hard or painful God will be right there with us. He uses even the hard things to mold and shape us to be who He is calling us to be. Without the hardships of my life, I would not be anywhere near where I am today. Now I look at my heart, and every time I think about how I don't think I may ever be able to trust a guy as a wife should trust her husband, I am telling God right to his face that I don't trust Him to take care of me. So, if you are like me, and find it hard to trust people when you think I can't trust him/her think rather, are you trusting God? This gives me such hope, for I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is in control of all things, and that God will take care of me. I don't need to be afraid of all the pain that one person could inflict on me, I need to trust God.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:19-26

Time

It has been quite a long while since I last posted. I have not really had a chance to even think about something deep... I have been so busy. I will try tho! just for you, the one reader who skims my rantings.... :)

This past weekend, I was blessed to have a couple of guy friends from high school come visit me and my other friend from then that lives in the area. We had a blast, and were so busy!! It was really good to be able to catch up with them, they are a year younger than my friend Rachel (the one who lives near me for the summer) and I, so they are just fresh from their first year of college. It was fun to hear their stories and to catch up. But by far the most exciting part was stepping back in time for the weekend, going back to the days when we were sitting on the couch in the youth room...

Life was so easy then, my biggest care was that I didn't have many friends -- that obviously was not a problem... and the next biggest care was about college... would we make it? would we love moving out? that all seems like a lifetime ago! For me so much has happened since then! lets see what has happened..... I went to Sudan, and came back a changed person; my dad left us and has sense divorced my mom and remarried; my uncle died at the most inopportune time; I spent one semester in one state, came home and worked full time while being a full time student online (don't try this at home folks!); moved to this windy city; had my first boyfriend... and my second for that matter; toured the country with my choir; submerged myself in learning public transit; moved into my own apartment (if only for the summer); and now, i find my days occupied with the cutest little kids known to man!

Life is so interesting... God has so much in store for us, so much that we can't see now, and might not ever understand. Yet, we are promised that if we seek the Lord, we will find Him! He loves us more than we could ever imagine, and only allows things to happen to us so that we can become more the people that we are created to be.

Do not loose hope my friend! there is light at the end of this dark tunnel that we call life. There is Heaven to look forward to! And on top of that, we can do so much right were we are, there are countless ways that we can use the gifts that God has given us to serve others around us. Be open to learning, be open to hurting, be open to changing.

the JOY of the LORD is our strength! do not let anything or anyone try and convince you otherwise. you are in the BEST of hands.

Eternal Life

So, I was reading my friend Jillian's profile, and I found this, knowing enough french to get me into trouble, I quickly recognized this as the lyrics to the Women's Choir's traditional final piece, Eternal Life.

Seigneur, faites de moi un instrument de votre paix.
Là où il y a de la haine, que je mette l'amour.
Là où il y a l'offense, que je mette le pardon.
Là où il y a la discorde, que je mette l'union.
Là où il y a l'erreur, que je mette la vérité.
Là où il y a le doute, que je mette la foi.
Là où il y a le désespoir, que je mette l'espérance.
Là où il y a les ténèbres, que je mette votre lumière.
Là où il y a la tristesse, que je mette la joie.
Ô Maître, que je ne cherche pas tant à être consolé qu'à consoler,
à être compris qu'à comprendre,
à être aimé qu'à aimer,
car c'est en donnant qu'on reçoit,
c'est en s'oubliant qu'on trouve, c'est en pardonnant qu'on est pardonné,
c'est en mourant qu'on ressuscite à l'éternelle vie." - St. Francis

not translated directly, but the lyrics of our song:

Lord, Make me an instrument of thy peace, peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love

where there is injury pardon,

where there is doubt, faith,

where there is despair, hope!

where there is darkness, light!

where there is sadness, JOY!

Oh, Divine Master, grant that I may not,

so much seek to be consoled as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

it is in dying that we are born,

to eternal life

Such an amazing piece, I love this song so much, it truly grasps the true meaning of life.

Eternal Life

So, I was reading my friend Jillian's profile, and I found this, knowing enough french to get me into trouble, I quickly recognized this as the lyrics to the Women's Choir's traditional final piece, Eternal Life.

Seigneur, faites de moi un instrument de votre paix.
Là où il y a de la haine, que je mette l'amour.
Là où il y a l'offense, que je mette le pardon.
Là où il y a la discorde, que je mette l'union.
Là où il y a l'erreur, que je mette la vérité.
Là où il y a le doute, que je mette la foi.
Là où il y a le désespoir, que je mette l'espérance.
Là où il y a les ténèbres, que je mette votre lumière.
Là où il y a la tristesse, que je mette la joie.
Ô Maître, que je ne cherche pas tant à être consolé qu'à consoler,
à être compris qu'à comprendre,
à être aimé qu'à aimer,
car c'est en donnant qu'on reçoit,
c'est en s'oubliant qu'on trouve, c'est en pardonnant qu'on est pardonné,
c'est en mourant qu'on ressuscite à l'éternelle vie." - St. Francis

not translated directly, but the lyrics of our song:

Lord, Make me an instrument of thy peace, peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love

where there is injury pardon,

where there is doubt, faith,

where there is despair, hope!

where there is darkness, light!

where there is sadness, JOY!

Oh, Divine Master, grant that I may not,

so much seek to be consoled as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

it is in dying that we are born,

to eternal life

Such an amazing piece, I love this song so much, it truly grasps the true meaning of life.

Wisdom and the Fear of the Lord

So, I have been doing a study on the fear of the Lord. I was challenged in a book to read a chapter in proverbs a day, and when the first day I was overwhelmed by the first 7 verses of the first chapter, I decided to take my own sweet time reading through.

The first thing that stuck out as I read, was verse 7:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.

my thought was- I don't fear God enough.

Think about it, how many times have you been overwhelmed by fear of the amazingly powerful God that we serve?

On the other hand, I don't exactly know what a lifestyle looks like that is filled with this holy fear. So, the next day, I read on:

v. 20

Wisdom cries aloud in the street, in the markets, she raises her voice.

That day (yesterday), as I was walking throughout this magnificent city that I live in, i could not help but picture wisdom standing at the corner of Belden and LP west crying with no one to hear her, or standing by the t-rex in the field museum amid the thousands of people who would walk by her that day alone.

Do you hear wisdom? I know that I don't always hear what she has to say, and I don't pay attention when I probably should.

this morning, I read something great in chapter 2:

My son, if you receive my words
and treasure up my commandments with you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding;
yes, if you call out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.

So, this morning, i go off to work, not concerned about that I don't know what true fear of the Lord looks like, and not upset that I cannot hear wisdom as I see her shouting wisdom on the street corners. If I truly seek her and long to understand, I will know, God promises it!

blog stalking?

So, sitting waiting to leave for church, I decided to see why it is that I could not use my name in my blog address. After reading about a stay at home mom, I stumbled across a page in Portuguese... I know cool right? Having handy dandy chrome, I translated the page and this is what I found:

A WORD CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING!

There was a blind man sitting on the sidewalk in Paris, with a cap at his feet and a piece of wood, written in white chalk:
"Please help me, I'm blind."
A publicist, he stopped and saw a few coins in the hat. Without asking permission, took the poster and chalk, and wrote another ad and went away. Later he returned to the advertising spend in front of the blind. Now, his cap was full of coins. The blind man recognized the footsteps and asked if it was he who had rewritten his sign, wondering what was written there. The Advertiser said:
"Nothing that is not in accordance with their listing, but with other words"
He smiled its way. The blind man never knew, but his new sign read:
- Today is Spring in Paris and I can not see it.

I think this Donna Jo found something profound... A word really can change everything. It is just like today's culture that would give more to someone who appeals to our emotions rather than to our pocketbook.

Sweet Release

What an amazing realization that has come over me! I have had such a wonderful change of perspective that I can't believe how much difference it makes! God has taken my self focus and reminded me of what is important in life. What that is, is doing everything possible in this life to serve those around us. Sharing the love that God has so richly lavished on us with everyone we come into contact with.

Doing this brings our focus back to where it belongs, on God and on others. When we think about how what we are doing can help those around us, it helps us to stop thinking about what is keeping us down. While it is not wrong to be sad about something, or to struggle with a situation, when we are done thinking about ourselves and what is making us sad Refocusing on what gives us fulfillment and joy.

On my way to work today, this song came up on the shuffle on my iPod, and I thought what a great reminder of what life is about. What more is there in this life worth living for? even in the monotonous things of life, God's praise still goes on!

Chris Rice "And Your Praise Goes On"

The moon is high and the sunset fades
The lullabies have all been sung
We’re tuckin’ in another day
And stars appear now one by one
But the stillness moves and the silence yields
And not a single beat is lost
You can hear the chorus in the fields

Taking up where we left off
And Your praise goes on, rising to Your throne
Where You guard us while we dream
Past the stars they fly, Your praises fill the sky
‘Til You wake us with the dawn
And Your praise goes on

Now bring your warmth, O morning sun
Chase the stars and the moon away
And wake us with your brightest song
And add our voice to your refrain
Now rise up everything that lives!
Flap your wings and leap for joy!
Oh forest lift your arms and sway!
Clap your hands you ocean waves!

And Your praise goes on, rising to Your throne
Where You bless our toil and play
Through the clouds they rise, Your praises fill the skies
‘Til the setting of the sun
And Your praise goes on
And when my final breath You lend
I’ll thank You for the life You gave
But that won’t mean the praises end
‘Cause I won’t be silenced by the grave!

And Your praise goes on
I’ll be runnin’ to Your throne
With every nation, tribe and tongue
To Your arms I’ll fly
I’ll gaze into Your eyes
Then I’ll know as I am known
And Your praise goes on
And Your praise goes on
And Your praise goes on

Singing, laughing, and praising the One who deserves more than I could ever give out, or ever will.

with renewed joy in life,

Donna

Peace, peace, to those far and near says the Lord your God, and I will heal them. (Isaiah 57:19)

Lost Track

Have you ever had the feeling that you have gone so far off track that you don't know if you can find your way back again? I don't think that I have gotten quite that far this time, but I am close! It is really bad when you find yourself realizing that you are being a jerk to those around you! I feel so bad about it, but the worse part is that I don't really know a tangible way to change.

My friend Cassie is such an amazing encouragement to me! She helped me to see that it is okay to not be my happy self all the time. But it is very important to remember not to let that change the way that you interact with others. Don't forget ever that you always have a ministry to those close to you and those you encounter every day, When you don't know what your future holds, look at the present and see how you can minister to those around you now, rather than in years to come. Give of yourself even if you don't want to, it will give you new purpose and motivation to continue on. Keep in mind that while it is okay to be sad and distraught, this is a normal thing of living in a sinful world. It is when we begin to feel sorry for ourselves and give ourselves the OK to stand in the dark sulking over what cannot change that we get into trouble.

I am studying Psalm 119, and I have come across how the psalmist says he will meditate on the Word of God so many times. This I think is an art that has been lost especially in this generation. To think on one passage and mull it over in our minds for a long time is something that we should strive to do. We can receive such insight on life and on the character of God by doing so! My day ends so much better when I know that I have done all that I can to glorify God in all my actions -- especially when I have brightened someone else's day at the same time!

Pray for me if you think about it, getting out of a rut is not an easy task, and its definitely one that I cannot do without God's help. Praise God that I don't have to!

Joy is not found in happiness, but in the peace of knowing that while things may be rough on the outside, everything will work out in the end. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and a silver lining to each cloud. We may just have to be patient to be able to see it.

a new perspective

Have you ever had that feeling of something in your own life that you are dealing with that will not go away? it keeps nagging at you and you don't know what to do with it!

I have this feeling a lot. And the sad thing is that most of the time the only thing that I can do is pray about it. Often times though, this just keeps me focused more on myself and my problems instead of on the Lord and what He is trying to teach me. I think that what I am trying to say is that it really matters how you pray about different things. If you are really concerned for a friend and think of them often, then pray for them often!! but if you find yourself thinking on something in your life that you cannot change and that you really need to be move on from -- a family situation perhaps? or a friendship that did not work out? or even being away from friends for a long period of time? While sometimes it is very good to pray about these specific situations, sometimes you need to move on from and stop dwelling on them too. There is something that I have been trying to move on from bothering me for quite some time, and after praying about it for a long time, I realized that every time I prayed to move on, it would bring it up fresh in my mind again. So a while ago, whenever I would think about this thing that will not go away, I would instead focus on God's sovereignty, His control over my life. This helps a lot when you don't understand something. Instead of sitting around trying to figure it out, just focus on what God has figured out for you.

I was really having a hard time with this last night, so instead of watching a movie or something to take my mind of it, I opened up my Bible. I am using my read through the Bible in a year for my devotional book (not that really keep to the plan... lol), and when I got to the Psalm portion I read this:

Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees;

then I will keep them to the end.

Give me understanding, and I will keep your law

and obey it with all my heart.

Direct me in the path of your commands,

for there I find delight.

Turn my heart toward your statutes

and not toward selfish gain.

Turn my eyes away from worthless things;

preserve my life according to your word.

Fulfill your promise to your servant,

so that you may be feared.

Take away the disgrace I dread,

for your laws are good.

How I long for your precepts!

Preserve my life in your righteousness.

Psalm 119 33-40

This was exactly what I was/am praying. To follow God in all that He has planned for me, but at the same time, it is very hard to do this because I don't know exactly what He is looking for. God is in control, and this I am sure of. He will reveal to us in His time what we need to do. So while we may be stuck on one thing for months at a time, there is a purpose and He will lead us to the answer in His time. If we pray this, if we mean this, then how can we stray from God's leading for our lives? He will guide us in His paths and we must trust Him, striving to allow Him to use us in His way, not in ours.

Above All Else

here I sit, in my little apartment with my lovely roommates waiting to leave for work, my mind is so full of things that i don't know what I am supposed to do with them! I believe that the most prevalent thing I am mulling over in my mind is how necessary it is to give God glory and praise all the time.

In my devotions, I am reading about David's captivity/hiding from Saul, while at the same time, reading through some of David's most praise filled Psalms. For example, Psalm 113:

Praise the LORD.
Praise, O servants of the LORD,
praise the name of the LORD.

Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.

The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
his glory above the heavens.

Who is like the LORD our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,

who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?

He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;

he seats them with princes,
with the princes of their people.

He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.

David here knows that there is more to life than struggling through things that seem too hard to do. God gives us the strength that we need to cary on. Next time you find yourself dwelling on something that you know is beyond your control and is really just dragging you down, just remember that God is in control, and praise Him for his great faithfulness and sovereignty before all else. Instant pick-me-up if you ask me :)

post finals nonsense

hmm a new post. I don't know what exactly to write, I don't have any deep theological or encouraging things to say -- not at the end of finals week that is!

I am sitting in my dark, half empty room, fighting the humidity, while wishing I could be sleeping. but alas, I tried that, and my body says no.

Have you ever had the feeling that life makes more sense when you are alone than when you actually live it out? I have that feeling a lot. It makes sense in my head, but outside it does not. one of my greatest struggles is wanting everyone to like me. I don't do well with people not liking me, because I want to make everyone happy, and if people don't like me, I must make them not happy, and if they are not happy, then I am not happy.

*interjection: the girls next door just had an encounter with a cockroach and are screaming in the hall* just in case you were wondering :P

anyways: I have a friend here, and we sorta had a falling out. It is really sad when things don't work out in general, and on top of things not working out, you have to live with the consequences that result from the friendship before. We are still "friends" but not near what we once were. This makes me very sad because this was a friendship that I really valued, and now, while our falling out has been resolved, it is still really difficult to know to what level our friendship can reach again. All I know is that I really miss that friendship, and my friend being so distant makes me feel like he doesn't like me, or like to be around me (which I doubt is true, it is just very hard to not read the actions, and to read the person I know he is).

This situation is really strange, because I know that I should not feel rejected, I don't! but if not rejected, then what am I supposed to feel? I just miss the friendship, and I sorta have a feeling that he does too. why are our lives so much more complicated when you try and share even a simple friendship with someone? it all usually (-not at the moment because it is thursday of finals week) makes so much more sense in my head.

The other thing that is really hard to deal with these days is balancing trusting God with being responsible. the problem with not having a place to stay this weekend/summer makes life quite hard, but when do I need to stop waiting for paperwork and start looking for somewhere else to stay? oh the questions and concerns that never cease to bog me down with worries... cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.

I close out with my rendition of Krista's verse from choir this year (my rendition because I am too lazy to look it up even tho there is a bible right in front of me... so you get my memorized, erred version :P):

For this is what the High and Holy one says -- he who lives forever, who's name is Holy:

I live in a high and lofty place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly of spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. I will not accuse forever, nor will I always be angry, for then the spirit of man would grow faint before me, the breath of man whom I have created.

I was enraged by his sinful greed, I turned from him and hid my face from him in anger. yet he kept on in his willful ways. I have seen his ways, but I will heal him. I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners of Israel: Peace, peace to those far and near says the Lord your God, and I will heal him. Isaiah 57

Here Master

well, it has been a little while since I made a post... or maybe that is just what I feel like and in all actuality it has only been a few days.... :P

So, I want to share with you a song; funny story is that this song is super popular here on campus, but not anywhere else! I can't even find the music to it anywhere else! It is written from the words that are in the hymnal, its like one of those liturgical pieces that has no music with it-- leave it to a Moody to write music to it!

The song is called Here Master In This Quiet Place:

Here, Master, in this quiet place, where anyone may kneel,

I also come to ask for grace believing you can heal.

If pain of body, stress of mind destroys my inward peace

In prayer for others may I find the secret of release.

If self upon its sickness feeds and turns my life to gall,

Let me not brood upon my needs but simply tell you all.

You never said “You ask too much” to any troubled soul.

I long to feel your healing touch. Will you not make me whole?

But if the thing I most desire is not your way for me,

May faith, when tested in the fire prove its integrity.

Of all my prayers let this be chief: Till faith is fully grown

Lord, disbelieve my unbelief and claim me as your own.

This song has been special to me all year, but this week in particular. In Thursday Night Praise, we sang it, but the guy who was leading introduced it in such a wonderful way. We need to take care to not let our sinful minds get caught up on what we think we need. God gives us everything for a reason, and He works in all situations, the good and the bad.

I have been dealing with lots of stuff lately, and I really have just been viewing them as burdens that I have to deal with or bear, which is true. But I have been missing the point of these things being given to me as lessons that I should be taking to heart, allowing them to shape me into the woman God wants me to be. God is growing my faith in spite of my wanting what I think the happy life would be. God does give us the desires of our hearts, but only if we are seeking His will for us.

The RA of my brother floor told us this week in our worship night, that someone told him that if we know we are surrendered to God's will for our lives and that we are willing to do anything for Him, how can we miss His path for our lives? If the desire of our hearts is to do God's will, and to seek Him out in the way that we live our lives, there is nothing that can come between us and Him. Not troubles or hardship or persecution or nakedness or danger or sword. God is Conquerer in all things, and only wants the absolute best for us.

I leave you with this, think it over and really ponder what it means in your life: God is the only constant in our lives, all else will change or fade or let us down, but He never will. Amen and Praise the Lord!!!!!!

Beauty Will Rise

So, I know that I just did a song, but Grace lent me this CD last night, and I have fallen in love with it. The CD is Beauty Will Rise, the artist is Steven Curtis Chapman. This is the album that he wrote after his daughter was tragically killed in a car accident. The song I want to share is Beauty Will Rise.

I cannot imagine being in his place, loosing his daughter like he did. But I do understand his pain. The hopelessness that sticks no matter how much truth you put before yourself. It reminds me of David, in the Psalms he laments before God and cries out to Him, pleading with Him. David tells himself how God is in control and that He is all that he needs to survive. Yet, we still have that voice in our heads yelling at us, telling us it is not okay. Our minds and our hearts are at odds with each other. our hearts know the truth, that God is sovereign and in control of all things of life, but our heads cannot grasp the concept. so we tell ourselves over and over again that there is so much more to life; more to life than an earthly whole family; more than the burdens our friends lay on us, or the burden our heart feels for them; more than the loss of a friendship or of a boyfriend/girlfriend. Eventually, if we tell ourselves this enough we will believe it... right? that is what David thought at least. Check out psalm 40 or psalm 73 to see what I mean.

back to the song... here are the lyrics, and a link to listen to it:

It was the day the world went wrong/ I screamed til my voice was gone

And watched through the tears as everything/ came crashing down

Slowly panic turns to pain

As we awake to what remains/ and sift through the ashes that are left behind

But buried deep beneath/ All our broken dreams
we have this hope:

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning, beauty will rise

So take another breath for now/ and let the tears come washing down,
and if you can't believe I will believe/ for you.

Cuz I have seen/ the signs of spring!
Just watch and see:

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning...

I can hear it in the distance/ and it's not too far away.
It's the music and the laughter/ of a wedding and a feast.
I can almost feel the hand of God/ reaching for my face
to wipe the tears away, and say/ "It's time to make everything new."

"Make it all new"

This is our hope.
This is the promise.
This is our hope.
This is the promise.
That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that's been made

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of this darkness... new life will shine
and we'll know the joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning...beauty will rise!

Oh, Beauty will rise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6sGtkhpqeA

Revelation 21:3-7

3… I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

5He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

6He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. 7He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.